Expert Q&A

My 10-year-old daughter got a hurtful email from a classmate: "We don't like your new haircut, you look like a boy. We don't want to be your friend." What can I do to help?

We want to empower our daughters to develop their own skills for handling this classic female version of bullying and to avoid rescuing or imposing our own solutions. Support her self-confidence in trying a new hairstyle and her courage in expressing her individuality. Help her understand this classmate's motive, which is probably to prop up her own shaky self-esteem. And explain that by not responding dramatically, your daughter can minimize this girl's power to judge her -- as well as the probability that she will again be a target of bullying. Your daughter will most likely discover that a "friend" who is intentionally hurtful is not worth having and that true friendship requires acceptance.

Dr. Patti Zomber is a child psychologist based in Marina del Rey, Calif. She has written numerous articles about parenting, and she is a contributing editor on NestleFamily.com as well as the editor of the Los Angeles Psychologist journal.

Please Note: This Expert Q&A feature is intended to impart general child development information and mealtime tips. This is not to take the place of medical consultation and you should consult your doctor for medical advice or services.

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