Expert Q&A

My 5-year-old tells lies, or “stories.” They aren’t hurtful or malicious, but I find it hard to believe him. How do I stop this?

Five-year-olds are learning to distinguish fantasy from reality. They may exaggerate or lie for attention and enjoy testing the limits of what they can persuade you to believe. They may also lie to manipulate your feelings, like when they try to incite anger toward a rival sibling.

All adults involved should explain that a “story” is only fun when everyone knows it’s a story. Lying hurts feelings, creates mistrust and makes you unable to help him with real challenges.

Explore why your child has chosen to lie. If lying reflects a deeper issue, such as social anxiety or low self-esteem, encourage him to express his needs directly.

In addition to understanding the emotional damage done by lying, you should tell your child to clarify the truth to those involved, apologize and share how he will handle his feelings differently in the future.

Dr. Patti Zomber is a child psychologist based in Marina del Rey, Calif. She has written numerous articles about parenting, and she is a contributing editor on NestleFamily.com as well as the editor of the Los Angeles Psychologist journal. 

Please Note: This Expert Q&A feature is intended to impart general child development information and mealtime tips. This is not to take the place of medical consultation and you should consult your doctor for medical advice or services.

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