Expert Q&A

I have a 9-year-old, and I have to repeat myself to get her to do what I ask. How can I handle this so neither one of us gets frustrated?

Children readily learn when they can ignore their parents' requests without consequences and when they cannot. If they are used to you repeating yourself five times, then they know they don't have to listen to the first four requests.

To change this, explain to your daughter that you expect her to respond to your first request. Your second request will constitute a warning that a logical consequence is about to take place. You could turn off the TV or interrupt her play until your expectations have been met. Better yet, you could create a plan whereby the TV does not come on each day until you’ve had a chance to communicate your expectations and she has met them. A parent-child relationship at her age involves specific responsibilities in both directions. For example, my kids knew that they would not get their ride to their activities until their jobs were done.

Developmentally, 9-year-old girls are becoming tweens. They are entering a peer- and media-dominated phase in which Mom may seem like an intrusion in their life. During this time, it becomes all the more important to keep the lines of communication open and to cultivate common ground wherever we can. Get your daughter's thoughts and ideas about how family communication can be improved and enlist her support with solutions.

Dr. Patti Zomber is a child psychologist based in Marina del Rey, Calif. She has written numerous articles about parenting, and she is a contributing editor on NestleFamily.com as well as the editor of the Los Angeles Psychologist journal.

Please Note: This Expert Q&A feature is intended to impart general child development information and mealtime tips. This is not to take the place of medical consultation and you should consult your doctor for medical advice or services.

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